On this, the third day of the Hundred Days Draw, the Random Drawing Idea Generator shows its true colors:
I won’t lie. I briefly entertained the notion of giving it another few clicks, but that would completely undo why I’m doing all of this. If this was a few years ago, I could have just drawn a robot holding Kanye West by the throat and him saying something like, “I’m not gonna let you finish” but that would no longer be topical. I could also go the Gay Fish route, or really, anything South Park has done. I did not go that route, because that would be piggy-backing on another person’s comedy and that would also be incredibly lazy. Therefore, I bring you this:
It had been several months since Kanye West had accidentally been taken aboard the Alogrin scout ship, immediately getting on everyone’s nerves by being in the way and being generally unpleasant. As time progressed and Kanye began to see more of the universe alongside his captors, something in his heart had clicked on and the wonders of the universe caused him to have a new outlook on life. On the outside, he was still brash and filled with bravado, but he was using this to help the Alogrins on several of their missions. He had been instrumental in helping them survive the terrors of a Zorgnoxian war camp, and convinced Lady Auneely that they weren’t worthy subjects for her intergalactic zoo. This had taken a lot of courage on Kanye’s part, and the Alogrins saw this and welcome Kanye onto their crew. So it went for several months, and while Kanye missed his wife and old life back on Earth, he knew that he would eventually be able to make it back. At least, until they landed on Abroconia.
Once, Abroconia had been a vibrant world filled with small creatures who had once been at war with a race of space squids, but had since found peace under the Celestial Otter. This had made them prime slaves for the Mighty Zorgnox, and over generations, he poached the Abroconias and used the bean-shaped males to fight his war and conquer the universe, while the females, generally more humanoid and able of some measure of shape-shifting, were sold to those who desired them. The Abroconians were now spread far and wide, and many didn’t even know they weren’t alone in the universe. Abroconia had grown wild and untamed in the years since the last Abroconians were taken, and the Alogrins were surveying the world to see if it was worthy of an outpost, or even colonization. Several Alogrins were sent to the surface, along with Kanye, who had proven himself time and time again.
“The readings are nominal,” said Josiah the War-Monger, holding a scanner. “This is a very hospitable world. I see no reason why we can’t utilize it.”
“We’ve been here for twenty ticks,” said Captain Aleena, smiling. Nearby, Kanye was holding a plasma-cannon he had taken from the Zorgnoxian war camp and staring at the sky. Aleena looked towards him. “Are you all right, Kanye West?”
“Don’t talk to me,” said Kanye.
Aleena smiled. He was fine, probably just taken in by the majesty of Abroconia’s red night sky. She returned to her tasks, but suddenly, one of the other Alogrins screamed and was dragged into the woods. Everyone stopped and looked at where the Alogrin had been. Kanye readied his plasma-cannon and Josiah tensed, ready to grab his blades from their holsters and defend the others. He was too slow, however. An orange flash carried another Alogrin away, accompanied by an animalistic snarl and a scream.
Aleena spoke into her communicator. “How soon can you teleport us back to the ship?”
The communicator crackled. “Fifteen ticks until your bodies are ready. Thirty until Kanye West’s body is ready.”
Aleena sighed. Teleportation was a fantastic technology, but its main drawback was that teleporting too many times in a short span could cause irreperable damage, and it differed from race to race. The only known exception were the Abroconians, who could be teleportated twice in a short span as long as the frequency and return location were the same. It took months for them to safely teleport again, however, but this had been a key component of Zorgnox’s conquest. In any case, they didn’t have any Abroconians with them. They would have to fight, or run, and Aleena had been promoted to Captain due to her ability to know when flight was the better option.
“Move out, people! We have thirty ticks until we can be beamed back,” she shouted, waving her diminished team forward. “Move!” Everyone ran, except for Josiah and Kanye. The former held his blades at the ready, and Kanye was scanning the tree-line and waiting for the creature to show itself. Aleena sighed. “Josiah! Kanye West! I said move!”
Both men grunted. Josiah sheathed his weapons and then he and Kanye started to run. Aleena made sure there was no one left, and followed them. As they ran, they would occasionally hear a snarl and a scream, but soon, they reached a bridge over a ravine.
“We could get across and destroy the bridge,” said Josiah. “The plasma-cannon could do the job.”
“Gonna stop you right there,” said Kanye, and he pointed to the indicator on the gun’s side. It desperately needed a recharge.
The beast showed itself. It had no body, really, and was more or less just a head on a set of legs. This was a curious trend in Abroconian evolution, but it didn’t matter. It allowed this creature to move with an amazing speed, and it was standing almost half a mile away but it still loomed.
“Get across the bridge,” said Aleena. “We have sixteen ticks until we can leave.”
The three of them went across the bridge, and suddenly the creature charged. Kanye looked at it and then looked at the two Alogrins. He said, “I’mma be okay.”
Josiah grabbed Aleena and dragged her away from Kanye before she realized what was going on. She reached out for Kanye and screamed, “No! We can make it!”
Josiah shook his head. “He knows this is our only chance. Tell them to beam us up.”
She did, and as they left, they saw the beast start across the bridge. Kanye shot it with the cannon, and then tossed the cannon to the ground. That was the last Aleena, or anyone else, ever saw of Kanye West.
This is Area 42 canon.